We are currently (very slowly) reading Harry Potter to Reed. We’ve been reading chapter books to him at bedtime since the day we brought him home from the hospital. We will continue to do so until he tells us he’s sick of it. Maybe longer. We enjoy it and he seems to.

We’ve just met Hermione Granger on the train and the discussion the kids have about the Houses rung true to me. I’ve taken all the silly “tests” about which House I’d be in, and, while I think they’re rubbish, I do think that everyone really knows which House they’d be in. Because it isn’t about what you’d be good at, it’s truly about what you value. If the Gryffindor House were really only for the brave then Cedric Diggory would have been placed there, as well as others. And it would have been far less likely that Ron’s whole family would have been placed in the same house. I believe he was placed there because Ron’s parents did a fantastic job of passing on their values (although why Ron’s mom can’t knit a shirt herself and used sew-on patches for the Christmas sweaters really troubles me, it’s one thing not to knit at all, but to use MAGIC for KNITTING? UGH!).

Gryffindor values duty, or, as it is put elsewhere, chivalry. People find their true duty often contradicts laws and authority, as clearly happens time and again in Harry Potter. Ravenclaw values the attainment of knowledge. Slytherin values power ambition. And Hufflepuff values loyalty. (The difference between duty and loyalty? Don Quixote and Sancho Panza. Or the Tick and Arthur.)

So, in trying to flesh out the values I want to teach Reed (who, poor kid, gets to be my guinea pig) I’m finding it easier to ask myself, “What would get him into Gryffindor?” Valuing friendship, honesty, risk-taking, bravery, standing up for the less fortunate and downtrodden. The truth is that it’s just vague enough to be a good stepping stone. Also, it makes it easier for me to not discount other people’s value systems. Sometimes I’m far too judgmental, and it really isn’t something I want to pass on to Reed.

So what about you? What is your North Star for these evaluations, whether religious, fictional, familial, etc. ? Or am I the only crazy one who thinks about these things as I lay in bed waiting for my son to fall back asleep or start crying so I can decide either go back to sleep or get myself up?

Do As I Say, Not As I Do,
originally uploaded by Madison Guy.

Confirmation Bias and Cognitive Dissonance have always been two of my favorite psychology concepts.

Over the years I’ve realized just how strongly confirmation bias can affect a person’s outlook on life, and the actions they take (or, more accurately with those I know, don’t take) to improve their situations. I’ve also found that it can be helpful when trying to start a new habit, running for example. When I was running I suddenly started noticing how many people were outside running every day. It seemed everyone I met was a runner. It helped to create momentum in my desire to be outside exercising. And I’ve used this bias to help myself be a little more frugal by surrounding myself with blogs focused on frugality or saving and listening to Dave Ramsey‘s podcast just about every day. A bit of a reversal of the “but, Mom, Everyone has one!” attitude I had in grade school and junior high.

While I’ve learned how to get confirmation bias to work for me, I’ve lately, with the birth of the Little Frog, been feeling the affects of cognitive dissonance. There are specific attitudes about life and habits that I feel are important to teach the little man. Gretchen Rubin, who is slowly becoming a very wonderful role-model in my life, calls them “Commandments.” Since I first read her commandments I’ve been trying to work on my own, but it wasn’t until my son came along that I could really put them into words.

Because suddenly I knew I was going to need to teach them.

Suddenly they NEEDED words. But once they were a bit more clearly defined, I came to realize how poorly I uphold these all-important precepts. And, ever so slowly (seriously, seriously slowly), I’ve been correcting the actions I take which don’t conform to these beliefs. How else could I teach my son if I don’t model the behaviors I expect? Not only would he not learn from me, he’d see that his mom was a hypocrite! I’d feel like a hypocrite. Wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye.

And then, yesterday, I get another dose of the wonderful confirmation bias (because everyone is thinking about cognitive dissonance right now …), as well as a little boost to keep my son’s lessons in mind while I go through my day. Preach What You Plan to Practice was a rather interesting article on how cognitive dissonance helps people to change their own unhealthy habits. By telling others that unsafe sex is bad and then being asked about their own habits, college students were subjected to their hypocrisy. This resulted in a change in condom use which lasted at least six months for a large percentage.

So, I am creating my commandments. They are now and, I hope, will continue to be what I consider important for living a good, healthy, respectable, and regret-free life. Writing them down has helped, so far, to keep them concrete and fresh in my mind. Hopefully when they are taped to my wall they will increase the dissonance between my beliefs and my actions. They are:

• Do what needs to be done. (Stolen straight from The Happiness Project, I admit, but it resonates so strongly.)
• Treat everyone with respect, whether you believe they deserve it or not. We are not here to judge. (Man, this is a hard one for me.)
• Exercise your body and your mind a little everyday.
• Don’t complain about the everyday stuff.
• Don’t reward yourself for the everyday stuff. (Like behaving when you get your haircut or need to do the shopping.)
• Do reward yourself for the tough stuff, do take breaks, do allow yourself time off from the everyday stuff.
• Send thank you notes. Write them by hand.
• Keep your home tidy enough to invite anyone in at any time.
• Collect memories, not things.
• Kindness is more important than wealth.
• Make, and love, mistakes.
• Being on time is a sign of respect, but don’t rush, and don’t make yourself crazy if you’re late.
• Don’t rush. One year at a time, one month at a time, one week at a time, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one moment at a time. Enjoy the process.

I know, there are more than 10. And I think they need to each be tighter (I really love how Gretchen’s are only a few words apiece). But for now they’ll work and searching for perfection will just allow me to procrastinate further. As the weeks go on, I’ll try to put my thoughts down about each one: why I think each is important, how I expect to teach it. I hope that you’ll help me with examples or ideas on how to live these in my life, and how to share them with the Little Frog.

I would love to hear the precepts you live your life by; feel free to share them in the comments. I’d also be interested to know if you disagree with any of mine.

This weekend I read the great article on Wired that introduced me to reCaptcha, which I’m now using on my comments. This allows everyone who comments the chance to at once prove they’re human AND help with the digitization of books. The idea of the human race being used as a CPU really appealed to me. And I’ve been enjoying the whole idea for awhile now.

But, back to the Wikipedia, the entire web population is invited in to create a true encyclopedia, of all basically all knowledge. There are certain rules, and people to solve disputes and to kick out rule breakers. And there are enough altruistic knowledge-heads out there who want to assure it’s all going to plan. So they fix errors. They delete bad information. They even make the language prettier. And they seem to do it because it’s fun for them.

Why doesn’t this work in the real world. I have a difficult time with the fact that there are assholes out there who’ll leave macaroni salad in the metro seat cushions. On “bad” days I try to pick fights with them, on good days I just pick up the trash I see. If everyone who is a Good Wikipedia did this, maybe there wouldn’t be so much trash.

Why don’t we take pride in our environment the way we take pride in a clean Wikipedia? We don’t clean up people’s messes, fight over the misplacement of a newspaper in the trash barrel (when there’s CLEARLY a newspaper recycling bin two steps ahead, just as easy to put it into, and still completely in your way), or try to make it pretty by donating. Isn’t this a community that was here before the web? Why would someone fight for days about someone’s death or non-death, but I don’t see anyone other than myself ever picking up the soda cup on the street corner? (I mean, c’MON you STEPPED ON it.)

I admit that this is a large part of my sadness. There’s a hatred I’m trying to shake for my aunts and uncles not caring enough about my dad to see him in the hospital and a recent childhood friend gunned down in a convenience store in MA, but I’m TRYING to see the good. It makes my day when I see someone offer up a seat on the train for someone else (no, not for me, though that’s nice, too) or when someone sits down next to me and says “Good morning” (seriously, made me remember for the hour train ride that other people are NOT simply obstacles to get around).

I don’t know, I’m corny. I sit in front of a computer most of the day. But wouldn’t it be SO great if we actually did all work together to do a LITTLE piece? Just like every time you make an entry into the wikipedia you contribute to the entire breadth of the web’s knowledge, or when you fill out my comment form you translate one teeny word?

Yeah, geeky.

I had been hoping that Google would have a cool doodle for his birthday…but I guess he’s a little more obscure outside the design community.

Seriously geeky 069/365-2,
originally uploaded by Bohemian Delilah.

Gone a long time. Thinking of things. Coming to terms with what I’m going through. Was told it is seems an awful lot like a post traumatic episode, which is interesting, and a little relieving, because it’s easier to understand more than postpartum depression.

I’ve been processing… and I’ve a lot of things I’d like to talk about. But not now. I’m too tired. So, yeah, I’ll try to give you fair warning when it might a little TMI.

Been really good though, happy. I’ve some great friends (D, D, L, talking bought you) and they’ve been giving me the love. The therapy sessions are making me feel really great.

Turning around.

Nothing works so well at getting you off your ass as 20/20 hindsight. And now that the day has gone by, and you’ve realized you SHOULD have worked out, you COULD have worked out.

Just googleTime Travel for Fitness™ In no time you can be back 5 hours and hitting the pavement in your running shoes.

But wait, you’re asking, what will Time Travel for Fitness™ cost for me, the average Joe Schmoe or Hannah Banana? Nothing!

How can we offer Time Travel for Fitness™ at such a low low cost of zero down, zero a month for ever? Because it doesn’t exist!

That’s right folks! If you act now you can’t have Time Travel for Fitness™ because there’s no such thing. You must live in the moment! Grab the bull by the horns! Get off your ass, turn off the computer, and get out the door! Don’t wait for someone to invent Time Travel for Fitness™. Live this day without the need to travel back in time.

I was just talking to Tom about how I wanted to go work out, but not right now, and he asked, well when do you want to go work out? And I said, 5 hours ago. So he suggested we Google Time Travel for Fitness™ and figure out how we can make that happen. Sounded like a great idea to me.

A long time ago in a gallery far, far away…,
originally uploaded by bitrot.

I was looking through flickr at the Moo cards. I got the free set of ten and loved them and have been wondering what they could be used for. And there are some really great ideas out there.

And I’m seriously thinking about getting them as “calling cards.” I loved having my personal business cards to hand out (and, yes, I still have them), and I love giving out my current business card. But I was mostly giving them out to people who wouldn’t be using them for business. Handing them to obscure family members and friends of friends who might want to contact me.

And the idea of calling cards from the Victorian Era was alway such and intriguing idea. I realize we no longer visit people the way we once did, not being sure if they’re home, but how often do you find yourself reaching for a pen and paper when you meet someone you’d like to hook up with later? Wouldn’t it be nice to just pull out a cute (but still rather respectable) little card that has all your vitals on it? And for $20/100 they’re fairly comparable to a decent set of business cards, while not getting you so many cards that you’ll feel bad when you change addresses.

Anyway, I thought this photo was great and a creative use of the cards, so I thought I’d share. :)

Terrence isn’t the only one broken.

Yesterday my doctor put me on the generic form of prozac. It’s only supposed to be for a couple of months, but it’s still scary to be on it. At this point, though, I just want to stop feeling so awful. On Tuesday I left work because I couldn’t stop crying. And I haven’t gone back yet. I want to, but I’ve just felt too awful. And I’m terrified I’ll lose my job. I don’t THINK I will, it’s just that stupid feeling. My boss actually seems very understanding, but with so few employees and with so much work to be done, it means a lot more when an employee is out of the office for awhile.

I’m not sad. I just keep crying and then I’ll flip out over the fact that I can’t stop crying, and I just feel exhausted and out of it and forgetful and not into anything. It’s really not fun. Not that I really expected it to be.

And now I just got off the phone with my boss (I won’t blog about work, or at work, but this is more about me) and she told me to touch base with her next week. She told me I won’t lose my job and she’s being very understanding, but I don’t really know what it means to touch base with her. I feel like I’m letter her down. Maybe that’s the worst part of having a job you love, you really really hate to let people down. At the museum it was easy to brush off the work that needed to be done, not so much now.

I realize this may still be TMI, but it feels good to share it. I know that people who care about me will read it, but it’s easier to talk to a group of people than tell someone one on one, even in an email.

There aren’t a lot of places to find information about postpartum without actually having a baby. But that’s what I keep being told I have. I didn’t think that I was being affected all too much about the whole “I’m not having a baby” thing, but when looking at each of these list on how to help get through it the very first thing is always to nap when your baby does. It’s beginning to get to me. I think my gynecologist continuously telling me it was normal was also getting to me. Even just having my PCP acknowledging that it was something which needed attention made me feel a little better. It was making me feel like this is normal, and everyone else goes through it, well, why can’t deal with it? I’m just overwhelmed. And I’ve come to really like the term “holding things together.” I’m sure that it isn’t something everyone likes, but each morning when I’d get up I’d feel fine, I’d eat and start getting ready for work and suddenly it would just happen. And it felt like everything was just dropping out of my hands. And it’s more physical than other terms, which I like.

And I know, people are busy, especially when they’ve children, and I’m being a little unfair. But I like to think that I’m worth that little bit of extra time. The cards that I got today seem like they didn’t even touch human hands before I opened it. They just seem so cold and mechanical.

Just wait, three years and I’ll be doing the same thing, with the ugliest little frame you’ve ever seen (Walmart seems to be the worst, if these weren’t people I love, which REALLY I do, I’d totally have a contest about which is the worst design atrocity) and even addressing them by computer, which, at least my cousins hand addressed the envelopes with little smiley face and stickers. Those made me happy.

Okay. That’s not going to happen. Right now I make a promise to NEVER send one of those cards, unless it’s ironically, and if I want to send a photo at Christmas I’ll send a real photo.

And I won’t count email cards as a real card.

Now, if only I can remember to actually purchase the rest of my own cards, guess that’s getting a little late.