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But, man, it’s odd. I’ve been pushed back to a lower dose in my meds, because I started having hand tremors, which are terrifying. It’s odd to see yourself doing things you can’t control.
I started knitting again, which is a big improvement. I actually finished something! (Aside from the Harry Potter scarves I haven’t finished anything since my dad died.)
Through therapy I’ve begun to see exactly how lucky I am to have people like my family, Tom (who is my family), D. (and J.), and the Princess Delicate Tulip in my life. I’ve also begun to see what I’ve actually done RIGHT in my grief. It’s really nice to see myself making good choices.
I just wanted to give you a small update, let you know I’m okay. I’m still not sleeping through the night. I’m still exhausted. I’m still occasionally wishing I were dead. But things are getting easier. I’m trusting my opinions more, and sometimes even manage to make decisions.
I’m beginning to remember how it feels to be me, what it is that makes me me. And how much I really enjoy that.
2 responses so far ↓
1 Matt // Apr 9, 2007 at 8:38 am
Hi Jeanne,
I’m usually just a passive observer in this world, both reading your blog when I feel like I need something that passes for contact and also because I want to know you’re doing well cause I like you. Lately, I’ve wanted to know that you’re doing better cause I like you. Thank you for sharing what makes you you, even when you can’t feel that you’re doing it. It’s been a constant on this end.
Love,
Matt Z
2 Bohdel // Apr 13, 2007 at 4:52 am
:) That’s one of the nicest things I think anyone’s ever said to me.
I’ve never felt like I’ve lost contact with you though we may not talk for long periods of time. You and Emily will always remain two of my favorite people. I hope that you are both doing well.
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