sometimes laffing out loud is just the most important thing. not the set up laff, from a tv show or a comic, but actually that something from real life.
today i was walking home and there was this puppy, really hairy little thing, smaller than my kitten. and yet, it somehow thought that it would scare me. you know, barking up a storm. i think it’s the first time i’ve really laughed to myself in a long time.
it just seems like i operate in a vacuum. not that i don’t feel anything, cause i do, but there’s an emotional deficit going on. any emotion just goes into that hole. i’m unable to use any of it.
i’m losing my dad. i don’t know if he’s going to die, no one’s actually said that. but he’s sick and i’m not there, i should be. where do you draw the line that this is your life, and you really can’t leave it. i need someone to actually get down on their hands and knees with a piece of chalk. no one’s ever explained how much you’re supposed to love other people. i think i could figure that out. the real problem is that no one’s ever given me the equation for how much i should love myself.
i need to sign up for some math classes.
